Went for a diving trip to Pulau Aur over the Hari Raya long wkend.
made new friends and reali enjoyed the trip..
just the sea, the sky, the sand and me.. I would love to stay a few more days, mayb weeks..till I get bored mayb.. i cld read some books.. or mayb do sm writing..
n i see the change in myself..smthing i din expect..
i was such a homely girl in the past.. i was contented to stay home.. contented to live a life like my parents did.. i nv thot i wld miss any overseas exposure or cultural exchange..
n then.. i surprised myself with the regrets i feeling now that i missed doing all those things when i was younger, when i was eligible...
i changed.. perhaps still changing.. what i had wanted.. i think i still want them.. but what i thot i dun need, i want them so badly now..
i reali dunno what reali gonna into me.. since the beginning of this yr, i m always driven by this constant thought "I only have one life and I am just going to be young once in my lifetime" .. and ya, you noe me.. 26 is simply an age too "old" for me to handle.. what with the settling down in, at most, 3 yrs' time.. I kinda reali feel time's running out..
the thought of commitment to a family, MY family.. to my husband, to my apartment, to my children.. is kinda reali freaking me out.. this is so TOTALLY NOT me, at least not the "me" in the past..
now i simply wanna do everything I want to..
with over-protective and conservative parents, I m seriously deprived of FREEDOM.. damn.. i can feel the untamed and wild inner me splashing out.. like a monster, chained up too long and just wanna burst outta my body!! ok.. this is reali scary.. to pen down this thought at this moment.. i m totally freaking myself out..
i so wanna be WEIRD!! i dun wanna be the normal cute girl-next-door!!
I wanna break free from all kinda commitments.. i can feel the strings tying me up, restricting me.. damn.. n i so wanna cut the strings away... damn.. i noe i cant..
n i dun wanna be judged!!
mayb this entry is freaking some of you out.. mayb not...
but i guess pple change..
some see themselves changing..
some realised they changed..
some do not even know they became different..
some changes are gradual.. so you dun freak out pple ard you..
some are just latent and simply materialise when the time comes..
3 comments:
it's all about finding the right balance in whatever that we do. as the saying always goes, too much of anything is never good, and so is true the other way round too. so yeap, refrain from going to the extremes, and always try to allow only your head and reasons to control your life, rather than pure passion.
u mean u want to be wild n not weird issit?
freedom is a choice you can choose. you doesnt need to be the girl next door so long u know what u are doing!
if you think settling down becomes a commitment and you doesnt want it, then dont be.
if you think settling down is a new phase in life, then u'll see the beauty in it.
family doesnt mean being tie down.
think abt it!!!
having children to perks things up.
having someone by ur side is a bliss.
bottom line is, you just need to know what u want.
make the right choice!
dont hurt urself n ppl ard u!!!
best!
hy: i mean WEIRD! yes i love to be different. hahaha
thx for everything you said.
they all make perfect sense and i guess it's not smthing i dunno.
well.. pple get greedy i guess.. i got greedy..
i love to have a family of my own and love to have my own kids and definitely love to have that some1 by my side all nights..a new phase in life as you called it..
yet.. i still missed the previous phase i guess.. being free like a single.. to have some fun now and then..
bottom line is, dun worry.. i ll make a right choice.. cos though i am emotional person, i m too logical to live purely on passion.. and the last thing i wanna do is to hurt pple who love me..
most imptly, i know i m blissed.
I am grateful. :)
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