Goodbye

Again this is an overdue post.

Many of you may be looking forward to a post about my honeymoon trip but perhaps, some time later. This, first.

I was actually away for about 2 weeks and came home, well relaxed and recharged. Sadly, I was unprepared for the news that welcomed me home.

Julia died. Of old age I can say.

She is our dog. Our first dog. The one who was with us since 1999. The one I loved most also, among all 4 that we had.

She is adorable and pretty. She is clever. She is always understanding and mature, never wants to worry us.

She is family.

Hearing the news was shocking at first, and devastation followed.

My dad said she was waiting for us (both me and my sister were away and not home), fighting for every breath, since her kidney was shutting down.
My dad asked her to go, to relieve herself of her sufferings and no need to wait for us. And that we would understand.
And yes, she left us shortly.

Then, naturally, I tried to recall where I was, what I was doing as I tried to match the different time zones when she departed.

Guess what? I was actually visiting the husky dog farm and was bidding the dogs "bye-bye". And I cried. When it happened there and then, I had no idea why I cried and found myself crazy. I thought, "How can I be so 舍不得?" I had only seen the dogs for less than 20 min but why the unwillingness to leave the cold, to bid them goodbye? I never understood why.

Till I was told of Julia's departure. And I matched the timing.
The realisation left me speechless for a second and sobbing like crazy on the next.

Sound incredible, isn't it? I want to believe it's coincidence but the experience, the feeling when I cried and said "bye-bye" countless times to the dogs and turning head every two steps and the unwillingness to leave at that point of time, tells me it's not.

I finally understand the feeling I was feeling then. It's like saying "bye-bye" the last time to someone I love.

So now, every time my mum cooks eggs or when there are longans at home, or when the thunder roars*, I will be missing you.

*Long time ago, when both julia and i were still little, the thunderstorm came down on a night when my parents were not home yet. We only had each another and we hugged and protected each another. Since then, whenever it pours and the thunder rolls, she would come to me, to protect me or to seek refuge, I dunno. But yes, I would also look for her in the house to tell her not to be scare and that I am around.